Yes, who will survive? The red ninja, or the black one? Or perhaps the loser will be Maria Francesca's acting career?
Who is Maria Francesca, you ask? She is Richard Harrison's wife, the enigmatic "actor" who has appeared in 18 films with the word Ninja in the title. She is also the worst actress I have ever seen. Sure, the bad dubbing contributes, but her lifelessness and emotivelessness has me scrambling for long words to describe just how painfully bad she is at trying to play a character that is basically herself in real life.
As for the movie itself, three ninjas steal an empowering artifact from their wicked master, and each take a piece. When one dies after a sudden two year jump cut (more on that later), the other two plan to steal the other's piece, before realising that they'd best team up against their former boss.
There is the usual silliness one would associate with a terrible ninja movie, such as an asian sub-boss with a terrible blonde wig, a toy robot delivering both warnings and blinding smoke in equal amounts, and of course, the infamous 'steamed crabs' scene, complete with shrukened crabs. I also must say a few words about Jaguar Wong, Harrison's hired help. He oozes cool, and I'm sorry to say he wasn't a prolific actor. The actions is quite good on both the ninja and kung fu sides, with a clever beach scene. However, the editing was pretty bad, especially at the start, with really quick cuts that annoyed me.
I enjoyed Ninja Terminator, and will hazard a recommendation to both awful movie aficionados and martial arts fans.
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